Lately, I've had quite a handful of friends asking me how my life has been being married. Well, I would usually reply them plainly "it's the same!". I am but a 2 months old bride who hasn't gone on her honeymoon trip, so life has been good indeed. One thing for sure though, things aren't always going to be smooth sailing. We're prepared to make things work when hiccups come our way and here's a list of things I've learned so far:
1. Go through Shit together.
I mean figuratively and literally. As the traditional wedding vow goes "to have and to hold from this day forward, for better or for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health". Besides sticking through good or tough times together, keeping track of each other's health matters too. You can tell someone else's health through his/her poop. Here's an interesting infographic about poop and health to explain how. So for literally going through shit together, you can have a good insight of your partner's health and keep track of each other's diet - before health deteriorates and figuratively go through shit together.
2. Go on dates.
Yes, this may sound cliche, but we see each other every day that we tend to easily neglect the need of going out. Yes, we can also spend quality time at home cooking, watching the tv or doing the chores. But it's always nice to rekindle the joy of going on dates and reliving the courtship days with the person I chose to spend the rest of my life with. Walk the streets hand in hand, marvel at new buildings around the area, laugh at silly things we see along the streets, share new insights, talk about the new social trends, go shopping for new clothes together.. Which leads me to my next point.
3. Dress to Impress.
Being married, I tend to put much lesser makeup on and he sees my naked face most of the time. Even though he probably loves me the way I am, I find it fun to dress up and doll up once in awhile. Why hide what you've got, especially from the man you love, right? Same goes for him. I find myself admiring him like a silly teenage girl when he dresses up. It reminds me of how I was so attracted to him back then, albeit slightly mature. Looking good boosts confidence too, which we all know is the sexiest thing of all.
4. Doubling up as a secretary/PA.
"Baby, where is my watch?""Darling, do you remember if I took my shades from the car?" I feel that I have become so much more observant than I used to be after being married. It's as if I had to have a total 180degrees field of vision to keep track of things. Don't get me wrong, Shaun isn't an absent minded person. Having a plus one in your life means that somebody else's issues are also yours now.
5. Choose your battles.
Someone gave me a piece of advice on my hen's party. "Quit dwelling on the small issues. Always look at the big picture." A mere two months into the marriage, and I can already see why this is hell of a good advice. I'm not going to go into the intricate details of that major fight that we had, but it was something along the lines of him telling me to do something (legit) in a not-so-nice tone and I totally didn't like it. I was really put off with his tone and the following things that he did, and was determined to not "give-in". It escalated to him almost spending the entire night on the couch. Well, if I had let the devil in my head take over, I would never have budged. Taking a step back to 'look at the big picture', I realised that I had probably amplified my own situation too much. In retrospect, I've found out a good way to solve such "battles". When in a fight:
Step 1: Relax and take deep breaths.
Step 2: Think back hard on what exactly happened. From BOTH POVs.
Step 3: Analyse your POV and your partner's POV.
Step 4: Evaluate.
Step 5:
Apply advice. (See line 1 of point 5)
If you're not in the wrong, ask yourself - "Is this battle worth conceding, for the happiness of you both?"Apologise first, explain later.
If you're in the wrong, ask yourself - "Is this battle worth fighting for? (Keeping in mind you're fighting with your life partner, not God, who'll always forgive you)"
Being married is indeed a truly happy thing. Enjoy the warmth and love from an additional family. Wake up happy to the arms of the one you love the most. Laugh for all you want, as you aren't afraid of being judged. Do all the things you want with your partner before kids come into your life.
1. Go through Shit together.
I mean figuratively and literally. As the traditional wedding vow goes "to have and to hold from this day forward, for better or for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health". Besides sticking through good or tough times together, keeping track of each other's health matters too. You can tell someone else's health through his/her poop. Here's an interesting infographic about poop and health to explain how. So for literally going through shit together, you can have a good insight of your partner's health and keep track of each other's diet - before health deteriorates and figuratively go through shit together.
2. Go on dates.
Yes, this may sound cliche, but we see each other every day that we tend to easily neglect the need of going out. Yes, we can also spend quality time at home cooking, watching the tv or doing the chores. But it's always nice to rekindle the joy of going on dates and reliving the courtship days with the person I chose to spend the rest of my life with. Walk the streets hand in hand, marvel at new buildings around the area, laugh at silly things we see along the streets, share new insights, talk about the new social trends, go shopping for new clothes together.. Which leads me to my next point.
3. Dress to Impress.
Being married, I tend to put much lesser makeup on and he sees my naked face most of the time. Even though he probably loves me the way I am, I find it fun to dress up and doll up once in awhile. Why hide what you've got, especially from the man you love, right? Same goes for him. I find myself admiring him like a silly teenage girl when he dresses up. It reminds me of how I was so attracted to him back then, albeit slightly mature. Looking good boosts confidence too, which we all know is the sexiest thing of all.
4. Doubling up as a secretary/PA.
"Baby, where is my watch?""Darling, do you remember if I took my shades from the car?" I feel that I have become so much more observant than I used to be after being married. It's as if I had to have a total 180degrees field of vision to keep track of things. Don't get me wrong, Shaun isn't an absent minded person. Having a plus one in your life means that somebody else's issues are also yours now.
5. Choose your battles.
Someone gave me a piece of advice on my hen's party. "Quit dwelling on the small issues. Always look at the big picture." A mere two months into the marriage, and I can already see why this is hell of a good advice. I'm not going to go into the intricate details of that major fight that we had, but it was something along the lines of him telling me to do something (legit) in a not-so-nice tone and I totally didn't like it. I was really put off with his tone and the following things that he did, and was determined to not "give-in". It escalated to him almost spending the entire night on the couch. Well, if I had let the devil in my head take over, I would never have budged. Taking a step back to 'look at the big picture', I realised that I had probably amplified my own situation too much. In retrospect, I've found out a good way to solve such "battles". When in a fight:
Step 1: Relax and take deep breaths.
Step 2: Think back hard on what exactly happened. From BOTH POVs.
Step 3: Analyse your POV and your partner's POV.
Step 4: Evaluate.
Step 5:
Apply advice. (See line 1 of point 5)
If you're not in the wrong, ask yourself - "Is this battle worth conceding, for the happiness of you both?"Apologise first, explain later.
If you're in the wrong, ask yourself - "Is this battle worth fighting for? (Keeping in mind you're fighting with your life partner, not God, who'll always forgive you)"
Being married is indeed a truly happy thing. Enjoy the warmth and love from an additional family. Wake up happy to the arms of the one you love the most. Laugh for all you want, as you aren't afraid of being judged. Do all the things you want with your partner before kids come into your life.
